The Advice I Shared With The Couple
Some months ago I was approached by a young couple about to tie the knot to share my thoughts on pre-marital counseling. I know they reached out to me because they value and honor my thoughts and also because they know I have navigated marriage and divorce before so I think it was a smart move on their end. They also shared that they had heard me speak at a zoom event on marriage and they liked what they heard.
Truthfully, I’m very hesitant to offer anyone marital advice. I’m more comfortable sharing my thoughts publicly or in a panel discussion than doing it one-on-one with anyone because my opinions are very unconventional - in a great way though that challenges an average-thinker. In this particular case I took a chance to share my thoughts with them and maybe it will help someone who is reading this.
A lot of marriage counselors who offer pre-marital counseling do it from a biblical perspective and a traditional one. There’s an ‘innocence’ to it because it is inherently assumed that this love is fresh and they (the couple) are starting life on a blank page. The beginning of any journey is exciting and you never know what lies ahead. The counselors do their best to paint pictures or even share experiences of the little foxes to look out for and what can create conflicts etc. but let’s face a fact - hypothesis is not reality. They prepare you as much as possible but if you speak with commanders of armies, you’ll understand that no matter their strategy for going into a war zone, when you are in the middle of the war itself, it’s a different ball game and you have to think on your feet and change strategy sometimes or you’ll be defeated.
So, I told them (the couple) what I’ve been doing - I listen to podcasts and read books from top divorce lawyers around the world. I know what you’re probably thinking but it’s far from it. I’ve learned so much about marriage and people from these podcasts that I have come to appreciate a good man when I see one and I’ve boldly told some women who even complain about their spouses that they are blessed to have the kind of husbands they have. This new found knowledge reshaped my thinking because divorce attorneys are usually in the middle of the battle, the pain, and they have seen the end of what was once a beautiful journey. They also share the reasons, catalysts and foxes that we should all be on the lookout for and make sure we don’t tow that same line. Listen, I even read marriage acts and laws from different countries to understand what breaks a good union and to make sure that when I have the opportunity to take that journey again, I’m well prepared to fight against any of these fire starters and behaviors that can ruin a beautiful union.
No one walks down the aisle with his or her enemy so seek knowledge and wisdom and be proactive to safeguard your union from anything that could possibly destroy it. Believers are sometimes so ‘sheltered’ from reality so much so that the majority of Christian marriages are struggling because we lack the practical wisdom to navigate it. Be proactive in life, not reactive.
XOXO,
Lady Abena.
Declarations For November 2025
Yes Christmas is not very far away and so are your miracles. Welcome to the eleventh month where the God of the eleventh hour shows up for all of us. Ezekiel 12:21-28 is my anchor scripture and declaration for this month.
Ezekiel 12:21-28 (MSG)
“God’s Message came to me: “Son of man, what’s this proverb making the rounds in the land of Israel that says, ‘Everything goes on the same as ever; all the prophetic warnings are false alarms’? “Tell them, ‘God, the Master, says, This proverb’s going to have a short life!’
“Tell them, ‘Time’s about up. Every warning is about to come true. False alarms and easygoing preaching are a thing of the past in the life of Israel. I, God, am doing the speaking. What I say happens. None of what I say is on hold. What I say, I’ll do—and soon, you rebels!’ Decree of God the Master.”
God’s Message came to me: “Son of man, do you hear what Israel is saying: that the alarm the prophet raises is for a long time off, that he’s preaching about the far-off future? Well, tell them, ‘God, the Master, says, “Nothing of what I say is on hold. What I say happens.”’ Decree of God, the Master.””
According to His word, I decree and declare that every good prophecy you are waiting on will be fulfilled this month in Jesus’ name. It will no longer be delayed. Let it be so and so it is in Jesus’ name. AMEN!
XOXO,
Lady Abena.
Private God, Public World
A few days ago, I was engaged in a wholesome conversation with a friend about how beautiful it is to be able to speak openly about our faith in God. Truth is, I have friends, peers and acquaintances who belong to different religions or none at all but one thing is for certain, they know I do not hide my Jesus. They respect me for how unapologetic I am about my faith and yet I don’t superimpose it on anyone.
It’s a personal choice, that if my character and deeds can lead you to Christ, then I’ll always strive to be a walking billboard for Him. I’ve had a chance to also meet several people who firmly told me that their relationship with God is private and no one needs to know that. So I asked them, you’re very confident about marketing the things of the world but you’d rather keep God private? I can understand the depth of personal conviction that makes some choose to keep their faith private. Faith is intimately connected to our innermost selves, and for many, it’s a delicate, sacred part of their journey.
I believe that we can live out our faith publicly without shoving beliefs down others’ throats or becoming preachy. Instead, we should embody Christ’s love in our actions, words, and presence. Our lives can serve as testimonies that speak louder than any words spoken from pulpits or on social media. When we act with kindness, patience, integrity, and humility, we become living evangelists, showing others the transformative power of faith without even saying a word.
Ultimately, I think the key is authenticity. Whether openly sharing our faith or maintaining a quiet humility, we should aim to reflect Christ in a way that’s genuine and respectful. Our private relationship with God fuels our public witness, encouraging others to explore their own faith journeys, at their own pace and in their own way.
I pray for you this week that you can boldly share your faith with others and be a great witness for Christ.
Let it be so and so it is in Jesus’ name. Amen.
XOXO,
Lady Abena.