Actions Over Words
A few months back there was an online post that I clung to. It read: “People have a lot to say so I watch what they do”. It was so profound and it resonated with me. The other part of it was the appropriate timing of the post. I was battling a confusion in my mind on a few people I know who did the opposite of what they were expressing in words. I used to be one of those people who take people for their word. I guess it’s a character trait of mine to say what I do and mean what I say. If I won’t do it, I won't say it. What I express in words usually flows out of my actions. Somehow I thought every adult was the same. Well, adulthood has taught me differently.
Words seem so easy to come to some people - but their actions speak louder than their words. If I should frame it differently, integrity is not a stronger suit for many adults. Note I said ‘adults’ because children we know will lie out of fear etc., but when a grown individual, educated, supposedly christian and self-established on top of that has to lie or makeup stuff, I can only wonder why? Now, people have their reasons for saying one thing and doing another but really, there is no justification for it. It creates distrust and I am one person who probably might call you out on it and if I chose not to, then note that if you asked me to meet you at the train station, I’ll be on a flight instead. I don’t see how you can build any relationship, whether it’s personal, business or spiritual with someone who cannot honor his or her word. Imagine if God did that to us? We expect Him to do what He said He will do, but most of the time, we cannot even uphold the things we speak of Him.
I’d like to think and believe that people will be more honest in their dealings with others, but like the quote above, I take my cues from people’s actions instead of their words. This has helped me to really come to certain decisions on how to treat everyone in my life and I hope you’ll take that cue as well. You learn whom to trust and who not to trust, who to share with and who you need to zip it up when they are around you. You also know who you can count on and who you shouldn't even bother to call for help. Let’s just say I don’t get disappointed much anymore.
I pray the Lord will give you discernment this week as you deal with people in your life to know better who you can keep close and who you leave in the parking lot. May the Goodness and Mercies of God find you this week in all your endeavors.
XOXO,
Lady Abena.
My Rear-view Mirror
Year 2005 was the first time I started to drive in this country. I was at the age where most people born and raised in the United States were already driving then. If you have been following my life you’d know I wasn’t born and raised here and for most immigrants like myself, it means we come here about 10+ years already behind in so many things. Then you have just a few years to make up that time. I’ll save that conversation for another time as I know you’ll be intrigued to read about my experiences as an immigrant in the United States.
Back to my learning on how to drive - I went to a driving school somewhere in Lanham, MD and one of the many things my teacher taught me when we will go on the road as a student driver was to make a habit of looking into my rear-view mirror every time I’m driving. He said to just make a quick glance as ideally, you have to keep your eyes on the road ahead. I asked him why then to keep looking at my back and he responded that whatever is happening behind you is equally as important or risky to what is in front of you. So, I made it a habit and especially whenever I come to a stop, whether at the traffic light or stuck in a bumper to bumper traffic, I’ll always look behind me through my rear-view mirror. Most often my eyes will come into contact with the driver behind me as he or she for some reason is also looking at me through his front-view mirror. I can share so many stories about the reaction of the people I see in my rear-view mirror; from ones who are putting on their makeup, sometimes a couple arguing, another one looking so depressed and the other looking angry - very rarely did I see people smiling. I’ll usually spend the next few minutes of my trip, trying to figure out what’s possibly going on with the person in my rear-view mirror. I’ll be doing this while now focused on the road ahead. Lately I’ll say a quick prayer for the person when I make eye contact and ask God to bless them or give them an encounter with Him.
Oftentimes I have heard people; mentors, motivational speakers, preachers and etc. say to never look back but look forward all the time. In other words, not to focus on your past or what’s happening or happened behind you. Just focus on the present and the future most will say. Well, I think my driving school teacher had a different message - that whatever is happening behind you is equally as important. I do appreciate the motivation to not dwell or get stuck in the past - but truthfully, anything that did not go right in the past can affect your present and your future and that is where most people get stuck on the past. Many people after hearing such motivational messages are quick to bury the past and try to jump to the future, only to find the past waiting for them in their future. If I should break this down, any situation that is not properly handled, resolved or addressed has the potential to harm your present or future. There are certain situations that for you to be able to move forward in the present or future, you’ll have to go back and undo or untie it from the source. If it was created by human error, it will take a human correction. I have developed a heightened sense of addressing and confronting issues and situations that happened or are happening behind me and I’d like to share that most of the breakthroughs and victories I am seeing is because I was able to trace things to the source and UNDO from that end. I really challenge you to do the same. Some of the questions we have been asking God have answers buried somewhere in the past. Undoing the past is not always a pretty thing but it can yield greater results and set you free for life.
As you surge on in life, you cannot just keep your eyes on the road ahead without taking a look at the rear-view mirror from time to time. Some of the things you’ll see in the rearview mirror will cause you to make a change in your route for the future. Some will also give you confidence that you’re driving on the right path so keep going. My rear view mirror keeps me on track for my journey ahead and I pray you’ll look at yours regularly as well.
May the Goodness and Mercies of God find you this week in all your endeavors.
XOXO,
Lady Abena.
Our Irreplaceable Mothers
As we celebrate Mother’s Day 2021, I wish all Mothers a day filled with love and blessings. May this be the day you remember the first time you held your baby in your arms. I cannot help but wonder at the fact that there are over 7 billion people on earth, and each one of us was carried in the belly of a woman. Now, whether that woman is alive or not, or whether they fully played their role as mothers in the lives of their children or not, the fact that every single person was curated in the womb of a woman remains uncontested and undeniable. This is what makes mothers irreplaceable. You cannot deny it and you cannot change it. Whatever your situation might be, whether your mother is alive or not, whether you are a mom or not, whether you have lost children and feel like there’s no one here to celebrate you or not, please know that you are celebrated and you are irreplaceable.
For all women out there who desire to be Mothers, may the Lord grant you the gift of the fruit of the womb and may your joys be full. Your children will rise and call you blessed.
Wishing you all and yours, a wonderful Mother’s Day!
XO,
Lady Abena